Building a bridge of loving humor from Germany, in Real Missionaries Never Retire jokes about how a missionary office's twists on memory might create some humorous work situations in the field. Staff that is up in years can read and say the strangest things!

Liv-n-LetLiv a Campaign of God's Grace Test your spiritual health

Site search Web search Search this site or the web powered by FreeFind
About us

Learning Center

Ministry Opportunities

Donor Services


Italian side of bridge
German center pillar of bridge

Romanian side of bridge
Integrity InterNetwork
Art Zone

Your donations are valued. This site is advertizement-free.  We depend on your donations to continue to provide high quality information.   If God touches your heart with what you read here, please support our work.     Use check or credit card secured by PayPal.Click here to add this page to your favorites folder!

You may also appreciate the humorous outtakes from our wedding.
Click here for our comic strips
For more funny stories from the field

Real missionaries never retire.  

Jokes that remind me of what my wife and I recently witnessed. Any similarities to people actually living are purely coincidental.

You may also appreciate the humorous outtakes from our wedding.
Click here for our comic strips
For more funny stories from the field


An elderly man called the police on his cell phone to report a theft in his house. He is hysterical as he explains his situation to the dispatcher:
"They've stolen the stereo, the microwave, the TV set, and even my dog Limpo!" he cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.  "Disregard," He says. "He went in the wrong house."



Three missionaries ages 92, 94 and 96 work in the office near Los Angeles. The elder one, the President is on the computer taking care of his daily e-mail.
He opens one message and says, "I don't remember whether I was reading or writing this one."  

The second most senior one, the Director of Personnel says, "Hold on a minute and I'll come help you figure it out."  He walks halfway around his desk to the center of the room and says, "Now which of you wanted coffee?"  

The 92 year-old Field Director at her desk shakes her head and says, "Dear Lordy, you folks are so forgetful!  Knock on wood (thump, thump) that we haven't forgotten that poor missionary in Germany."  She continues, "While you are up, Dave, could you get the door?"



The Marriot happened to be hosting the conferences of two different religious groups in ajoining meeting rooms.  In one conferenceroom two missionaries with coke-bottle eyeglasses chat with each other during break at the coffee table.  The first one with a Book of Mormon in his hand says to the other, "My eye prescription is from last year.  Can you point out that guy that voiced those wild ideas about Jesus."  The second one, holding a Bible whispers in his ear, "I didn't want to say anything but I think we were invaded by at least 20 heretics."



Two missionary brothers off the field at their first convocation in 40 years.  After their noonday nap, they are enjoying a tea on the sunny porch of the ranchhouse.
Don turns to Gordon and says, "I've read all your letters since you left.  You have been doing some amazing work with the Indians, teaching them how to read English and learn the names of the Royal Family.  I can't even remember the name of your wife, what is it?"  Gordon faces Don and stares into his worn face for a minute and Don feels awkward.  Thinking that Gordon is angry he goes on, "Don't get me wrong, you've been doing great work but I can't quite remember for the life of me where you are living."
Gordon says, "Not so fast, I'm still working on your first question."


Un uomo anziano ha chiamato la polizzia sul telefonino per dichiarare un furto alla casa sua. E' isterico mentre spiega la sua situazione al sottofficale:
"Hanno preso il radio, il micronde, il televisione, anche il mio cane, Limpo!" ha pianto

Il sottofficale dice, "Stia calmo, un officiale arriva subito."

Dopo qualche minuti, l'officiale chiama al lavoro. "Tutto e' in regola," dice. "L'anziano era entrato nella casa sbagliata."



Trei missionari con 92, 94, e 96 di anni lavorano vicino a Los Angeles. Quello piu' anziano, il Presidente lavora al computere con i suoi messaggi.
Lui apre un messaggio e dice, "Non mi ricordo se stavo leggendo o scrivendo questo messaggio."  

Il secondo piu' anziano, il Direttore dice, "Sta tranquillo. Arrivo io aiutarti ricordare." Lui camina mezza stanza e dice, "Adesso, non mi ricordo, quale fra voi mi chiedeva per il caffe'?"

Il Manager piu' giovane alla sua scrivania non puo' credere quello che ha sentito e dice, "Madonna! Voi dimenticate cosi' tanto! Batta legno (dom, dom) che non abbiamo dimenticato i missionari in Germania." Continua, "Mentre stai in gambe, Dave, puoi rispondere alla porta?"



Succede che il Marriot ospita le conferenze di due gruppi religiosi diversi in stanze tangente. In una stanza due missionari con occhiali fortissimi parlano l'uno con l'altro durante un brek al bar. Il primo con un libro di Mormone nella mano dice al altro, "Questi occhiali sono vechi, puoi indicarmi quale e stato l'uomo che ha detto quelle cose stranno di Gesu' Cristo?"
Il secondo, tenendo una Bibbia dice, "Non volevo parlarne, pero credo che siamo invadati di almeno 20 eretici."



Due missionari fratelli sono tornati dal missione per la prima volta in 40 anni. Dopo le ore di riposo, si godano con un te' nel sole sul balcone.
Angelo parla a Alessandro. "Ho letto tutti i tuoi scrisori da quando sei partito. Fai un lavoro magnifico con gli indiani, insegnandoli leggere in Inglese e imparare i nomi della Famiglia Roiala. Non poso neanche ricordarmi del nome della tua cara moglia, cos'e'? Alessandro guarda nella faccia di Don per un minuto e Angelo si sente male. Pensandolo arrabbiato, Angelo continua, "Non arrabbiarsi, fate lavoro magnifico, pero non poso ricordarmi dove abitate."
Alessandro dice, "Aspetta! Ancora provo rispondere alla prima domanda"

Contact us at:
e-mail us 
e-mail address

© 2004